As the title may suggest, my head is spinning.

I could lose someone very close to my heart as soon as next month. Could being the key word.

They may have to move away to start a PhD. I understand how much of an amazing opportunity it would be for them, hence why im not going to stop them. Thing is, i wont know anything until next Tuesday after their interview. I know PhD's are difficult to get into, and i know there is a chance that this person wont have to move away, it all depends (as i've been informed) on how many other people apply and their past experiences/knowledge base etc, as to whether they get offered it or not.

If they do, they could be starting next month. I cannot explain the thoughts that have been going through my head. The thought of being without them hurts so much, i cant and dont want to imagine how it would actually feel if it was to come to that.

I cried so many tears yesterday i dont think i have any left. I know how selfish im being writing only about how i feel on here, but it is me who seems to be only me who is looking that far ahead. I guess there isnt much point worrying about anything until we know the outcome next week. The not knowing can be just as painful.

I dont know what to do or how to feel.